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i haven't been sleeping since yesterday
having some serious things having in my mind
what happen to 2 of my friends
one is my best housemate, JL ever
another one, is someone that i'm closed with.
(i will not talk about the second one, for the moment)
i'll start off with the housemate's story first:
today(due to i haven't sleep but local time states that it's around 10.30pm)
i saw him.
dripping his tears silently
i saw that,
i knew what happen.
but i still kept quiet.
he's the kind of people.
strong personality, enduring, nothing can change his decision,
he can't lose, and he always strife for the best
but yet he cried
this is not the first time he cried.
then skipping the emo part where he ran to westlake alone.
smoking his cigarettes alone.
he needs time to chill off,
then suddenly he said he want to head down to Medan Gopeng to have a McD
he wanted me, BH and ST to follow
so well,
i broke my diet habit for him.
on the way to Medan Gopeng,
he seems cool but somehow i can feel that he's emoing
after reaching to McD
we just start the normal chatting
he suddenly broke up asking,
"Am I a person who is 花心?"
he told us his story,
after understanding the part of the situation
we suggest to him to give it up.
imagine(this is HIS story thou, what is the OTHER side's story, sorry to say, IDK),
He did all he can to protect A,
telling A's housemates that A's not the kind of people that they think A is.
did everything to bring back A's reputation back
but what A says is,
JL has poisoned A's housemates.
and that's not all,
A still says that,
JL is trying to amuse A so that JL can get together with B
(B's the girl the JL likes alot, i know it)
but then,
A,B and C belongs to a group where
JL used to be together with them.
now, A,B and C did stuffs separate from JL.
JL has quite unremarkable female attraction.
(damn, i'm jealous, AGAIN)
ok back to the questioning part
(Am I a person who is 花心?)
i answered him,
the fact is,
all guys will attract to pretty girls or rather someone who is better
normally
even thou that they are in a relationship
花心是男人的本色
but the problem is
花心 and 花花公子(playboy) is different
so he's definitely innocent
then he argues that he have to protect A,
even if A had back stabbed him in front of B and C
he still will protect A
now another question poped up,
he asked,
Is his human attraction is bad,
why will people back stabbed him?
i asked him again,
is this the first time he being back stabbed by his close buddies,
he nodded silently.
i mean,
come on
i been experiencing this shit since secondary school
my case is the worst,
i have a gf before then,
one of my buddy likes her
and he back stabbed me so that she can go with him.
i tell him my situation to him,
and ask him,
if one day
a buddy of yours did to you the same thing that i experience,
will you still treat him as buddy
he said yes.
i told him
this type of buddy and gf
throw away also never mind
firstly, a good buddy will not back stab you
secondly, a gf have to trust her boyfriend and vice versa.
if the simple things mention about.
what for keeping them?
then he told us,
he don't know what to do,
i can see that he's already broken apart
he told me that if he can't stand it anymore,
he will fly to taiwan and study there.
i asked him back,
it's only second year now.
and you've just spend 20 years living
who knows in taiwan,
same thing will happen just like now?
but then
we aren't there for you when that time comes.
then he asked is he already broken apart?
we said yes,
he asked how can we know that,
ST said something like.
"you rather make yourself to believe that you are a bad person just for A.
You will fly to taiwan to avoid it.
You want others to lie to you that you are not someone that you are not
and you are not the JL that i used to know"
after listening to what ST said,
JL cried.
for the 2nd time,
he cried among his friends.
because everything in his mind had been said by ST
what happen in the middle of the conversation i don't remember
but he said
he is envious that I am very cool (潇洒)
i know i am now,
but JL just haven't seen what happen to me when things got worst when i'm young
he's just lucky to have friend to give him a helping hand when he's in a deep hole of depressed.
what i experience.
is worst
thinking back,
i even wrote a will (seriously LOL when i'm young)
柴九is right,
人生有多少个十年？
最重要是活的精彩.
well,
i can see that after we kept on slapping him facts to wake up from depress
he seems finally the old JL i knew.
the reason i'm helping him is that
i want him to be what he is.
helping him won't let me earn money.
just merely
want him to be what he used to be.
is that simple,
sometimes,
life isn't what you think that complicated.
when it's too tiring carry a burden,
why not letting it go?
sometimes,
being selfish is not a crime
it is how you can appreciate yourself over something not worthy.
and i hope my 84 minutes of life is not wasted.
and 5 whole hours of counseling.
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